Bringing home baby Jane Nara-Reegar
by TheGreatJabberyJamie
Summary: Originally written for the KinkMeme, humour about Kal'Reegar and Veetor looking after a human child, Kal/Veetor slash, no smut though. Fluff/funnies ensure as Veetor is overprotective and 'By the Book' (ridiculous 'raising a child book') and Kal is clumsy and finding the child difficult, along with Veetors overbearing and neurotic behaviour.


**Hello people, TGJJ again, I'm going to be writing a lot more Mass Effect stories as I have decided I am still very much into the series. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this so read on.**

Recent life for Kal had been confusing at best. To almost the whole galaxy's, and his own amazement he and Veetor had been given Shepard's child to look after. Almost everyone had assumed that it would be cared for by one of her closest friends, but none of them were in a position to take it up.

He guess it made sense in a way, all her old companions were busy running around the galaxy righting any left over wrong Shepard wasn't around to clear up, either that or ruling over radioactive wastelands in Tuchanka.

Rannoch was by far the safest planet for it, all the local life was harmless and the almost sterile environment would almost ensure it wouldn't get ill… Unfortunately Veetor was still panicking.

"Is that a platinum spoon?!" Veetor shouted the moment he walked in and saw Reegar feeding their child.

Kal sighed, this wasn't the first time his lover had gone seemingly crazy, "Yes, it's part of the gift set Tali bought me-"

"Bought us! It's like you forget I'm even here! Anyway, you can't feed her with those, haven't you heard? Page 3321 section 17-b paragraph 3 of the 'So you've got a new human child?' handbook says that if you let our child grow up in luxury she will become spoilt. Do you want that to happen Kal? It all starts with the spoons!" Veetor rambled, Kal wished his lover had never bought that damned book, it had been nothing but trouble, especially when Veetor learnt the entire thing off by heart. All 6072 pages...

"I'm sure it won't be spoilt…" Kal replied tiredly, exhausted from having been kept awake last night because of her screaming.

"'_It'?!_" Veetor hissed, "_she_ has a name, it's Jane. I told you to read the book, it only on the 600th page, did you get through any of it? 'Don't call your child it', big bold writing Kal. You've really got to read it."

"_Really?_" he queried sarcastically, "Should we really be raising our child according a book written by a 50,000 year old alien that isn't even human? Especially one that regularly calls itself the 'Avatar of Vengeance'."

Veetor took offence to that, "Just because the first 600 pages are about fighting Reapers and there are several cynical remarks about primitives doesn't make it any less valid."

"The last page is about the best way to cook it once it reaches maturity!" he argued, he had met the Prothean before at one of Liara's party's, and although Javik often made jokes like that he doubted that chapter was one of them as many people believed.

"What was I meant to do? _not_ buy the galaxy's longest book about raising humans?" the slightly neurotic Quarian continued.

Kal paused for a moment, "Yes…"

"Well it's too late now. So change spoons and stop calling it 'it'... I mean _she_ 'it'!" Veetor snapped, tossing a few spoons his way.

The other Quarian let out an exasperated sigh but nevertheless switched them round to appease his glaring lover and stop the incessant scolding.

Unfortunately it did no such thing. "Hand her other here. We don't want another repeat of last time do we?" Kal didn't bother argue as they both remembered when he thought that whisky would stop Jane crying after some old human television channel he watched.

Gently handing him over Veetor immediately started tutting and fussing over the little bundle in his arms, making cute little noises at it and cooing, causing her to start giggling and reach up at his face with tiny hands.

Veetor could always make it do that… no matter what mood Jane was in her face would just light up whenever she saw him. Sometimes Kal thought he wasn't even needed, like he was just a distraction, a hindrance when it came to raising her.

When finished Jane was handed back, "There, she's happy now." he lay a hand on Kals arm, "You're doing fine."

Kal knew differently however, he barely knew how to hold the child properly so looked awkward with it in his arms. How could he carry a gun so perfectly, but when it was a baby he looked as if he was going to fall over or trip. It was almost like he was cursed with being an inept parent.

Even that Krogan in the park knew how to look after the baby properly, although Kal would never tell anyone. Partly out of shame, but mostly in the knowledge that if he told people he got childcare tips from a Krogan he would be hunted down fairly quickly.

Also the voices of various Geth pointing out every time he went near them how he was doing something wrong. He used to be intimidated by their robotic tones, but now all he heard was, 'Her head should be raised up by another 31.234 degrees to prevent her feeling sick', 'Humans cannot digest Quarian dextro ice cream, also thats too much sugar for her in the morning,' and worst of all 'There is a 97.1723% chance that you have a varren pup coddled in that blanket and have left a human child at the supermarket.'

It was all getting rather annoying from them…

**Hey people, I really enjoyed writing this, but this is the end as I couldn't think of anything to add, please do check out my other stories though, and I hope you enjoyed this one. **

**Still though, I hope you liked it, check out the other Mass Effect story I added too. And follow, favourite and review this one. Thanks TGJJ out.**


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